Ten Scenes I Want to See on the Season Finale of True Blood

Full list and photo gallery originally published on Television Without Pity.

True Blood all but wrapped up its sixth season with last Sunday’s penultimate segment, “Life Matters.” With the finale airing in just a few short days, we countdown 10 satisfying ways the show could conclude its most recent batch of episodes. Knowing True Blood, we’ll probably be left with more loose ends than answers, but a fan can hope, right?

10. Pam and Eric Have a Moment
These two have been on the outs for far too long. The bonds between maker and made have always resulted in some of True Blood‘s most intense, captivating relationships — think of Eric and Godric, Bill and Jessica, Bill and Lorena, Tara and Pam, etc. And some of the most outstanding scenes from TB‘s early seasons involved Eric and Pam lovingly griping at each other — remember when Pam was pissed because Eric got blood in his newly-dyed hair? Since Eric set his progeny free and their relationship turned all Debby Downer on us, the show as a whole has lost a lot of its humor. In the second-to-last episode, it seemed like Eric was finally ready for a real reconciliation — until he decided to fly off into the sky like a commitment-phobic bottle rocket instead. Can’t they just rebuild Fangtasia and go back to being besties like we know they are deep down?

9. The Lilith Storyline Finally Ends
Enough with all this vampire religious mumbo-jumbo. That was so last season. Yes, True Bloodhas done well to include bits of mythology in the past — Maryanne Forster’s maenad in Season 2 was an excellent Big Bad, for example. But making Bill a demigod (or a prophet or part-Jesus or whatever) has, really, just made him boring. The fact that he’s almost invincible takes any tension out of his scenes, and Stephen Moyer’s face might be permanently stuck on “scowl” at this point. Instead of the fun, soapy Bill-Eric-Sookie love triangle that was the center of the show in the past, Bill now just acts like everyone’s humorless school principal, looking out to make sure they do what he says. In the finale, we hope Lilith abandons him as a failed disciple so he can get back to being good ol’ Vampire Bill again.

Head to TWoP to read the full post.

The Hills Alternative Ending: Six Scenes I Would Have Preferred

Originally posted on Television Without Pity

In the series finale of The Hills Kristin left for Europe after Brody revealed he was dating someone else; Lo moved in with her weird, old boyfriend; Audrina got a place by the beach; and it was revealed that the entire show was a carefully constructed fake, complete with painted sets and directors, confirming our belief that no group of people could actually all be that vapid and superficial in real life.

Last Friday, MTV chose to show an “alternative ending” to The Hills‘ simultaneously bewildering and vindicating finale (you’re lying if you didn’t scream “I knew it was fake!” at your TV when all was revealed). The network had been teasing fans for weeks, baiting nostalgia hounds and teenyboppers alike. When the thing actually aired, however, it was pretty disappointing. First off, the whole scene was just three and a half minutes long (and half of that was a rehash of the final episode). Yes, it was kind of fun to imagine that Brody ended up with LC… a final “F You” to Kristin, if you will. Of course, this ending would have been a whole lot more satisfying four years ago, when anyone actually cared about any of these people.

If, after watching the alternative ending you were as nonplussed as I was, you’re in luck. I’ve put together list of six ways I wish this farce would have ended. Think of it like the movie Clue, but with more self-tanner and less Tim Curry.

Read the full list on Television Without Pity.

Tyra’s Craziest Moments from The Tyra Banks Show

Originally published on Television Without Pity.

Oh Tyra. Ms. Banks is one cuckoo lady, y’all, and I am so thankful that someone was clever enough to give her her own talk show for five seasons. Of course, we can still catch all the crazy when America’s Next Top Model returns August 2 — and I expect to see even more weirdly sexual remarks and desperate grabs for attention this cycle, considering that male models are competing as well.

Unfortunately, ANTM has to focus at least part of each episode on the, you know, models. This sad fact means that Tyra has just a few brief minutes each week to unleash her apparently unbalanced mental state on her viewing audience. The Tyra Banks Show, on the other hand, gave her a whole hour five days a week to perform “social experiments,” talk to dwarves, creepily flirt with younger men, fall out of chairs, and fight for the cause she most believes in: teaching society not to discriminate against supermodels and other ridiculously beautiful people.

In honor of the return of Top Model — which has been absent from our screens for a full year, instead of the typical four months — let’s recount Tyra’s best talk show moments. I like to think of these eight clips as some of America’s best moments as well.

Go to TWoP for the rest of this article.

Back When They Were Funny: The Cast of Grown Ups 2 on SNL

Originally published on TelevisionWithoutPity.com

Adam Sandler

In hindsight, 1990 was a particularly momentous year for the cast of Grown Ups 2. That was the season that Lorne Michaels made Adam Sandler, Chris Rock and David Spade regular cast members on Saturday Night Live, the show that launched each of their careers and made them household names. Rob Schneider was also cast that season, but since he doesn’t appear to be in this sequel, we are more than comfortable forgetting about him.

Many other Grown Ups 2 players are also SNL alums: Maya Rudolph, Colin Quinn, Andy Samberg, Bobby Moynihan and Taran Killam all show up in varying capacities. That probably makes it pretty awkward for Kevin James, who has never appeared on the show. Sorry, Kevin.

Of course, for many of these comedians, SNL marked the highlight of their careers, and some haven’t been all that funny since. Let’s take a look back at their best moments from the sketch-comedy staple, and try to forget how far they’ve fallen in the years that have passed. We can’t promise that watching these clips will make you forget about That’s My Boy, but it couldn’t hurt.

Notes to Maya Rudolph and Andy Samberg: You guys are still funny. Just stop taking meetings with Adam Sandler’s agent. Chris Rock, you’re on probation. Maybe you should give Kevin Smith a call. You were awesome in Dogma.

Read the full article at TelevisionWithoutPity.com

Brilliant But Cancelled – Why We’re Still Mourning Southland

southland

 

Originally published on TelevisionWithoutPity.com

This week, we honor the bravery of our founding fathers who, over two centuries ago, fought a war against an empire so that we could have the freedoms we enjoy today. And what better way to celebrate American exceptionalism then by watching a made-for-TV movie about aliens? Syfy is airing its latest flick, Independence Daysaster, starring Tom Everett Scott on June 27. Scott’s character, Sam, must defend the planet from invading extraterrestrials along with a team of “rogue scientists.” Scott, as you may well remember, played Detective Russell Clarke on Southland, the guy who was kicked off the force for selling pictures of a celebrity crime scene. Independence Daysasterlooks like quite a step down from the critically-acclaimed Southland — though who knows, maybe this alien flick will reinvigorate the entire genre. Whatever the case, this momentous occasion provides a great opportunity for us to take a look back at Southland, which was just cancelled in May after its fifth season finale.

There are dozens of cop shows out there. None of them are as good as Southland was at its best (that’s right, this post contains bold declarative statements). Shaky-cam filmmaking and descriptors like “gritty crime drama” have become pretty ubiquitous as of late, but Southland was more than just a tough look at the LAPD and the criminals it works to put away. The show had some truly awesome acting, morally complex plotlines that made the audience question even their favorite characters, and a finale that I’m still thinking about (for reasons both good and bad). Let’s go over the reasons why the show was so exceptional — which are, conversely, the reasons why it never found a huge audience, and was inevitably taken off the air. (And for the record, massive budget cuts along the way, and a switch from NBC to TNT after its first season didn’t help Southland‘s longevity, to say the least.)

Read the rest of the article at TelevisionWithoutPity.com

 

The American Baking Competition Series Premiere Recap

Originally published on Crushable.com

On Wednesday night CBS premiered its latest reality-competition series, The American Baking Competition. Unlike most cooking shows, which feature professional chefs, The American Baking Competition pits 10 amateur bakers against one another. The prizes: a cookbook publishing deal and $250,000.

Each episode—including this week’s premiere, “Pies and Tarts”—has three components: a “signature bake,” in which contestants are free to cook up a personal recipe; a “technical bake,” in which contestants are given a recipe with missing steps and must figure out how to complete their dishes; and a “show stopper,” which is like the signature bake, but fancier, I guess. This week’s challenges, everyone had to make a savory chicken and vegetable pie for the technical bake, and 36 tartlets for the showstopper.

Right away it’s easy to see there are some problems with the show’s format. The season started with 10 contestants, meaning that, after the three rounds, the audience has seen a total of 30 pies or tarts. That’s a lot of content to cram into 42 minutes, especially once you add in all the personalities and drama that make a competition show actually, you know, fun to watch.

 
Read more: http://www.crushable.com/2013/05/30/entertainment/the-american-baking-competition-series-premiere-recap-francine-bryson/#ixzz2UoFW7fjh

Glee Season 4 Finale Recap – Yearbook Edition

Originally posted on Crushable.com

Thursday night marked the fourth season finale of Glee, and, like every time I watch this show, I was simultaneously enthralled and horrified. It was like looking at a 42-minute car crash (with singing!). I don’t think anything this politically correct and simultaneously offensive has ever existed before. Only Ryan Murphy had the technology.

Rumors have been swirling for weeks that next season will be very New York heavy (thank God), which means we’ll be seeing a lot less of the weird Lima/New York split that everyone hates. In celebration of this final episode, I have compiled yearbook superlatives for all the Glee characters I could remember—seriously, there’re like 50 people on this show.

Read more: http://www.crushable.com/2013/05/10/entertainment/glee-season-four-finale-recap-most-likely/#ixzz2U9p1goLN